What is feminism? It seems the line is blurred on what it is and what it isn’t. Nowadays feminism has been defined as a girlboss queen that doesn’t need a man and doesn’t dream about love. Someone who is born to be a leader and has big dreams, but what if this girl wants a simple life with a partner and a family? Why is this decision, that dream, so looked down on? Bringing down other women for their decisions isn’t feminism, it’s toxicity. 

This ideology that all men suck, love sucks, and having kids sucks isn’t feminism. That line of thinking brings men down and limits the choices women have. When actress Rachel Zegler was promoting the upcoming Snow White movie she called the movie “outdated” and too focused on Snow White’s love life. She talked about how she thought Snow White should be “the leader she knows she can be”. But is it really that bad to fall in love? Though I agree not all men are the best, women aren’t perfect either. So why is love so hated? I WANT to be in love and I WANT to be swept off my feet one day by someone who I trust. Am I any less of a woman for wanting a romantic future with a man? 

Up until a year ago, my mother was a housewife who stayed at home and took care of her kids. She raised my brother and me, and I never felt she wasn’t there for me. She is an incredible woman and inspires me every day to be able to carry a household and be the strong-willed woman she is. Is she any less of a woman for being a mother, a housewife? No, she isn’t. 

Taking care of kids is a job in itself, yet it is dismissed as not ambitious enough or “not doing anything with your life”. The women that work and have a family…are they any less? They aren’t. The repeating problem here is the judgment for picking one or the other. It seems that whatever a woman does is judged by none other than fellow women.

Why can’t women be leaders AND have a family? There should be no issue in having both or just wanting one. Feminism is a movement for equality and progress NOT a judgment and restriction. Feminism is respect and understanding, NOT putting others down just to justify your life decisions. Feminism as a concept is absolutely great but is often twisted into something that makes women look bad and go against each other 

The fact of the matter is, that feminism can and has been portrayed in many different ways. Social media plays a big part in how it is being portrayed today. The trends that people will do on apps like TikTok, such as the vanilla wife trend. This trend was centered around women saying that they are better than a man’s future wife and ex as if it was an empowering act to belittle other women. That is not the “empowerment” we needed. Belittling other women and calling them and their livelihoods lame in the name of “feminism” and “empowerment” isn’t being a feminist. 

We need to lift one another up and recognize that not all women are going to have the same dreams. One could want to start a family and work a simple job while the other could want to be the next girl boss CEO that runs it all. What MATTERS is what YOU define as success and happiness, and that no matter the role you want, you aren’t less of a woman.