Column: Being fun sized is not that fun

Emily Lundell
However, maybe if I didn’t drink a gallon of coffee a day or actually drank milk like my grandma told me when I was a kid, I’d be 5’5” instead of 5’2”.

“I have the God-given right to make fun of you,” my 5’9” friend said.

She had just left class, and I was trailing behind her because my short legs couldn’t walk any faster.

After sprinting to catch up, we laughed it off, but I was still frustrated. Why were my legs 25 percent shorter than hers? It’s not fair. A difference of seven inches should not be so critical in determining how fast I can walk.

Sadly, there’s no hope for me to be taller. Genetics aren’t in my favor.  My mom’s 5’1’’. My dad’s 5’9’’.

However, maybe if I didn’t drink a gallon of coffee a day or actually drank milk like my grandma told me when I was a kid, I’d be 5’5” instead of 5’2”.

Still, it doesn’t matter why I’m short. What matters is the problems short people like me have to deal with.

First, let’s talk about supermarkets. I shouldn’t have to climb shelves to reach what I need while shopping.

At Target, I even had a near death experience. I was an innocent customer trying to buy a set of razors. I jumped up nearly a hundred times but couldn’t reach the box. As a last resort, I decided to hike up the shelf.

As I climbed, the shelf begin to wiggle, ready to tip over from my weight. I grabbed the razors as quickly as I could and jumped off before it could collapse. Though I’m glad to have survived that violent encounter, it really demonstrates how stores are anti-short people.

The clothing industry isn’t nice to us either, especially when it comes to pants. Either they’re short enough but too tight or comfortable but too long. If I’m lucky, my dryer will solve the problem and shrink the long-legged jeans to the right length.

However, the worst part by far is how regular-sized people treat short people. First off, we are not furniture. It’s annoying when my friends put their dirty arms on top of my head, getting all of their germs and sweat on my hair, as if it’s their armrest.

We also don’t like having to look up at everyone. It is a pain in the neck, literally. The angle we have to adjust our head to make eye contact with regular sized people is not something that humans have evolved to do. For once, tall people should tilt their head down to us.

Furthermore, the jokes regular-sized people make about us get old. I can deal with someone asking me if I meet the height minimum at the amusement park once in a while but not every day. At least try to mix it up. Make fun of me for being nerdy or forgetful instead.

I’ll admit being short isn’t all that bad. I can share jeans with my nine year old sister, so I have twice the wardrobe. If I’m on a diet, all the junk food in my house is on the top shelf anyways, so I can’t reach it. Also, it’s so much easier for me to dart around people in a crowded place.

However, I know life would be so much better if I was just three inches taller. I don’t need to be a skyscraper. If I got that extra height, I would have nothing else to complain about — aside from not being in the front of pictures anymore.